Life is a practice.
We practice shaping our world into the kind of place we want to live. Choosing a home, making it pretty. Choosing work, making it fun.
I’ve been married for 25 years. Raised two children to adulthood, and grown hobbies and businesses. In the process I’ve accumulated a lot of stuff.
Even though stuff is everywhere …
I don’t get rid of stuff.
Somewhere in my life or my ancestry it was passed down that stuff had value.
Stuff is useful. You might need stuff someday. So, just hang on to the stuff.
I had a wonderfully creative grandmother who had lots of stuff and she was skilled at reusing that stuff. Maybe it came from the period of time when she grew up, where food and goods were hard to come by. Because she knew how to make use the stuff she had, the stuff never seemed to be an issue.
I keep stuff because it could be really useful some day.
I mean I could have grand kids. They will adore playing with the old fashioned toys their parents played with. What if I want to make something crafty one day with those grand kids. I could use the crafting supplies I bought 20 years ago that have been stored in the dresser for the last 19. Heck, I might even eat that expired-two-years-ago can of food because … hello … zombie apocalypse, plus these guys showed me how to open a can without a can opener!
But you know what?
It takes so much energy to manage all this stuff. I feel tired and run down. I’m craving space to create and dream + scheme my next adventure.
So, I’m slowly letting go of everything that isn’t supporting me in living my life the way I want. There are times when it’s easy breezy for me to clean out and let go. But I’ve noticed that other times… it’s a real struggle.
Not long ago I cleaned out a room that had my collection of rubber stamps and supplies. I sorted and I sifted and then I caught myself feeling very confused. I’d spent the last 3 hours deciding what to keep and what to let go. Three hours! Deciding!
Why was I holding on to these? Would I really use them? Then I saw it, how tightly I was holding on to this stuff. I was holding on to a memory- a piece of myself that was no longer a part of who I was. I made the decision to let it all go.
And I wondered …
What else was I holding on to- thoughts, emotions, beliefs, judgements? When compared to the weight of the physical stuff I was letting go of, it seemed just as important to let go of all the mental stuff that was weighing me down.
The feelings of not being good enough, smart enough, pretty enough. The fear of making a mistake, or doing something wrong, or not using proper punctuation in a sentence. The idea that everything I do should be, and look, and feel, absolutely perfect, or everyone in the world will think I’m an idiot.
How are these thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and judgements helping me to become who I want to be? They aren’t. They only serve to keep me still, and hold me back.
So bit by bit, I’ll continue cleaning out… my home, my head, my heart.
Because it’s time…
It’s time to let go of holding on.